she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
