I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
