a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
