...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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