I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
