i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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