it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
