it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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