Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
