Jerry, you need to find god
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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