I wish life had little blips of pornography
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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