just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
