He kissed a someone with a penis
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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