That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
