On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
