According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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