well I can't set my house on fire every night
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
