just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i dont even know how to be here
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
