I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
