Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
