It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
