yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
