I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I fill condoms, not promises.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
