did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i came on her dog
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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