The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
