You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
