Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
