Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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