I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I feel like a drive thru vagina
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You left your phone here
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