Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
