dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
