I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
