Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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