This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
