The maid of honor just puked.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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