I'm eating all of the evidence.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The Olympian is in my bed
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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