...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
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I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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