if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
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Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
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I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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