he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
