i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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