I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
