Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
