I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
we're so committed to being not committed
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
