"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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