I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
