I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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