this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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