it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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