marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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