if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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