I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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