"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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