In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
