Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
