Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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