i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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