It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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