I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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