Will you blow on my dice?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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