I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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