She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
