i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
