i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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