haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
