Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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