ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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