Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
