I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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