i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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