Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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