The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
