Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
