I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
