this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
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i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
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She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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