She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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