i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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